Had anyone at a Buckhorn Grill looked our way, they would have seen a group of women, whooping it up, sharing laughter and a meal and singing happy birthday. What a wonderful group of women exhibiting a level of resilience that I believe, belongs to women. No matter what, most women know how to “soldier on”. We might be battered, bruised, traumatized and exhausted, but for many of us, we keep going. I mean this in the best possible way.  

For all the good men out there, please forgive me, in advance, for generalizing. I’m gonna do it. I can’t help myself. Women freaking rock.

I started tonight writing about court, but I couldn’t stay focused. That’s because today was amazing – but not because of what happened in court. It’s because of what happened outside of court. It started at the corner of H Street and 7th in downtown Sacramento. That’s where Victim Services has us meet to walk over to the jail where our courtroom is located. I didn’t realize we’d all be there! It was amazing!

One after another, survivors started showing up just a bit after 8am (we had a couple wonderful men who joined us, don’t want to leave them out). I hadn’t met some of the women because I wasn’t in court for the initial arraignment. Others, I had met two weeks ago at the hearing that ended up being continued to today. There were smiles and hugs and introductions. Damn! This was a squad and we were heading to court to show that man we were not going to back down. It’s our turn now and he’s OUR bitch.

A recess allowed us to head out for coffee.

The judge switched to an “in camera” session – which means “in chamber” but really it was in the courtroom with lawyers only. Like a closed session of a board meeting. He said to come back at noon, so we were off to hang. As we walked away, a reporter was following us. I dropped back and asked him to let us be right now and we’d be happy to talk after the hearing was over. He graciously respected our request and off we went. In private.

We hid in a local cafe and had the most wonderful chance to talk. We were all over the place in our conversations, but it was interesting, funny and bittersweet. The women know I blog but I assured them, our conversations are private and not for blogging. As the time passed, we realized we needed to head back. We joined the media back in the hallway that holds us all as we wait for court to resume. Then we got the message, court wouldn’t restart until 2:15! OMG! We had time for lunch.

How many survivors can fit into a hybrid Accord?

Turns out five (plus driver). We were walking to a local eating joint when Dea pulled up and said, “Hey, wanna go to lunch?!”

Several of us knew Dea, a reporter from ABC, and she has a very good reputation among us. With the caveat that everything we’d say would be off the record, Dea took us over to the Buckhorn Grill. We were like a carload of college women – complete with lots of giggling and the discomfort that comes from jamming bodies into a car. Which is to say, it was awesome.

Turns out it is Dea’s birthday, so we had a reason to celebrate.

And now the part that I must share but I won’t attribute a word. We actually were the table of women discussing the one thing I think mean fear: penis size! Can you even imagine being the most notorious serial rapist and killer in America and the one thing that every victim knows, is that you have a small peen? After studying his hands today, I can only imagine.

What a wonderful day.

Courtroom machinations aside, this was an incredible day. It’s probably why I’m so fried tonight. I realize stepping out into the light might not work for everyone, but I personally believe it can be healing. Everyone is on their own journey. Everyone has their own process. But the community we had today was worth the heat, the standing around waiting and the challenge I have to remember names. While many couldn’t be at court today, we held you in our hearts. You were there in spirit. We represented.

At some point we will need to have a spiritual reunion. One woman spoke of a dream that she had the night DeAngelo was caught. At the end of the nightmare, she saw all the victims coming together in joyous celebration. What a wonderful vision.

If you are a victim and need help, please reach out to Sacramento Victim Services.