Managing Negative Energy to Stay Healthy with Jennifer Carole

This is about you and how you can manage your energy. It sounds super woo-woo, but it’s not intended to. It’s intended to help you make conscious decisions about the way you feel and how you choose to take in information and manage it. As an energy coach, typically if I was coaching, I would be talking to you about what it is that you’re dealing with right now. It’s very different from therapy, coaching is more action oriented.

I coached someone this morning about when it might be a good time for them to go visit their parents in light of the virus. That’s something a lot of people are struggling with. What are the conditions that would be optimum for visiting your parents? That’s just an example – we would go through all the issues, roadblocks, feelings and you would decide on a plan that works best for you. That’s how coaching works.

But today, I want to talk to you about energy.

Or listen to the podcast

The goal of energy awareness is increased consciousness.

Many of you have already said, oh, my gosh, there she goes. But the thing is, it’s really important. Consciousness just means you’re mindful and you are aware of the decisions you’re making at any point in time. If you have energy awareness as well, you’re able to then decide how you want to react: negatively or positively. You can manage how you feel about things.

I had a friend last week who made a mistake at work and when I talked to her, she was beating herself up over this mistake. Finally I said, “You just need to accept the mistake. It happened. The world isn’t going to end. You’re not a bad person. You didn’t intend to make that mistake. But beating yourself up is just dragging you down. There is no point to sit in that kind of muck right now.”

Embrace the mistake. Own it and move on.

That’s the idea of being mindful, know what’s going on in your head. Being aware of your energy allows you to shift it so that you will do better and feel better. Imagine the power of that kind of self-awareness. It will make a huge difference in the days to come. It also can make a huge difference on the people that you know and love.

The Butterfly Effect

This physics concept broadly says what happens in one place can affect something somewhere else. The real concept is more complicated. For our purposes, the notion is that what you take has an effect on others – case in point, social distancing. We stay home, we flatten the curve, more people survive. This works the same with energy.

When you make that phone call, face time, whatever it is to check on the people you love. That energy matters. That’s a connection. You can shift the energy of somebody who’s feeling lonely or down. You could shift their energy to being more positive and having a more positive outlook. It sounds trite and I don’t mean to sound trite. But what I’m saying is what you put out there can affect other people. That’s the most important part here.

If you are aware of your energy and you’re paying attention to it and being mindful, managing your energy can deliver a sense of well-being. This is so important in managing your body’s response to stress, your body’s response to sickness and being isolated.

Two kinds of energy – catabolic and anabolic.

Catabolic energy is typically unproductive and anabolic energy is typically productive. They work together in flux. They move through us throughout the day. And sometimes the unproductive energy really does have a productive purpose.

Imagine being at the bottom of a cave, at the bottom of a hole. All you can see is the light at the top and the walls surrounding you that are nearly impossible to scale. In fact, it feels impossible. You might feel helpless. You might feel like a victim; like there’s just no way out of this deep, deep hole. That is how catabolic energy feels. You can also experience it as anger or rage or the need to fight.

If you do feel the fight, it’s the bad kind of fight; a win lose kind of fight like you want to kill them or you want to get even. They’re going to pay. Those are the kind of thought you might have. These are the kind of thoughts you have if you’re exhibiting really catabolic energy. And it’s the kind of energy you’re much more likely to have in a stressful situation. Like if your sheltering from a virus that we don’t know when will end.

The idea of being cut off from the people we care about, being cut off from our patterns and behaviors; from shopping and eating the kind of foods that we love, that can really create some catabolic energy. You’re at the bottom of a deep, deep pit. The bad news is, if you’re at the bottom of the pit, it’s really hard to know what your options are because it feels like your choices are limited.

Now imagine you climbed out of that hole and you’re up on top.

Now you can see the possibilities. You can tell what the weather is going to be because you just don’t see sky but you see the horizon, in all directions. You can see where other people are that could help you if you lost. You would know where to get help. As you can see, you’ve gotten yourself out of that unproductive energy. It’s a metaphor, but it’s a really powerful one because not only does this help you, but this metaphor can help you empathize when you want to help others.

If you can imagine and have the empathy to understand somebody in a catabolic state; stuck in a pit. Imagine your ability to empathize and to provide productive support knowing that they can’t see the possibilities and you rattling them off is not helpful. By the way, just being there with them in that place of being stuck is ok for right now. What you’ll eventually want to do is move them to where they start to fight and then ideally move them to anabolic energy. But you can’t just command them to be there with you.

Anabolic energy is the productive kind of energy.

If you can imagine, there’s this crossover point where you go from wanting to fight someone to letting go of the fight and moving to a place of almost productive complacency. It’s a kind of anabolic energy that we use a lot to cope in life. It’s the energy that allows you to deal with going to the store and getting the kids to school or attending another meeting at work.

You don’t love it, but you don’t hate it. You get it. It’s important. It’s the thing you’re supposed to be doing. It’s a complacent level of energy that is still productive. You might get down a little and dip into catabolic energy, but typically, you can use it to bounce back up. This is the go-along-to-get-along kind of energy. In coaching, this is the first of four levels of anabolic energy.

As you move up the energy ladder, you move from calm to inspired.

The higher you go, the more you are able to detach from judgment, detach from the here and now and start thinking about what is possible. Now be warned, if you’re really high in your energy and you talk to somebody who’s really low and catabolic, they might hurt you. That’s not a good way to share your energy. Instead, calibrate your energy to meet other people where they are and then work together to lift out.

Think about your anabolic energy. Think about the things that happen when you’re in the flow, when you feel really good, when you feel helpful. Help being helpful is very anabolic. Being willing to brainstorm and think of new ideas is very anabolic. Being able to detach from the here and now and think about “what if”, is incredibly anabolic. These are the kind of things that will motivate you and inspire you.

Even if we’re stuck at home or our world is somewhat limited, ideally, with anabolic energy, the possibilities are endless. And that’s basically the highest level of anabolic energy. It means you’re able to come into the situation, whatever it might be. Let go of all the parameters or rules, judgments, all the things that typically constrain how we think about something.

Let go of those things and just think, what if.

This is a common coaching practice where we listen to our clients talk and they have all the rules about why something can happen. My partner is not interested. My kids don’t want to play or the car is not working. We don’t have the money. Those are all constraints that can limit your ideas. In coaching, we work with you to let go of those constraints.

And that’s what I’m suggesting here. Let go of all the constraints and all your limiting beliefs. Think about what might be the perfect situation or what you could have if you could have everything you wanted? What would that require? Some of these constraints that you’re currently saddling yourself with may fall away.

I coach the other person this morning was talking about safe ways to get out of the house with the kids. OK, now is not the time to get out of the house. And yet maybe there’s still a way – maybe a car trip. You’d have to pack your food, ok. That way you don’t have any contamination vectors. You’re going to tell the kids the rules are you’re not getting the car. But you could go see some things you haven’t seen before, especially with fewer people. The trick here is to let go of some of the constraints – like don’t leave your home, don’t spread the virus. Oh, and please don’t get in a car accident. But new ideas come when you let go of the rules so you can find a way to meet the need that you may not have thought of before.

That’s the idea of anabolic energy. And that’s why it delivers endless possibilities as long as you’re willing to let go of rules that are holding you back. Or more importantly, the beliefs that you have that are holding you back. This is a big win for me because I feel like the power of energy coaching is helping you have the skills to help others. And I’ve talked about this on my other podcast before. There’s a great example I us and I made a video about it! Here it is.

What’s your idea or tell me more works.

By asking and listening, you just shifted the energy. You didn’t go catabolic, which was maybe your gut reaction at first to resist. And you’ve uncovered more information that’s going to make you both happier.

The outcome to any struggle isn’t limited to one.

We tend to limit ourselves right up front. Instead, let your thoughts go. Catabolic energy can be very productive that way, much like that wave in an ocean that tumbles and tumbles. Sometimes you’re on top. Sometimes you’re down below. Sometimes you’re in the green room when you get to just surf your way to heaven. Just know that energy moves all the time. But the more you are mindful and can be aware of how you’re feeling or how someone else is feeling, the more effective you’ll be at having more life satisfaction – for you and those you care about.

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March 5, 2020 Podcast Notes | DeAngelo Wants to Plea

This is a summary of my March 5, 2020 podcast, DeAngelo Wants to Plea. You can listen to the podcast here or search Lawyer’s Daughter on Spotify, TuneIn, Apple Pods, Google Play Music and PodBean. As always, I appreciate your ratings, reviews and sharing with your family and friends.

On Tuesday, March 4, when I was preparing to do my first talk in Santa Cruz around four o’clock, I saw a notification come through on my phone from Reddit that said JJD is going to plea. And I stopped breathing. I held my breath as I just stared at it. Folks ask, how did it feel? Well, it felt like all the feelings.

I think physiologically, my body flooded with adrenaline. I felt cold and hot. I felt completely confused. It was almost like I got punched. I was really mad that it happened at that moment because I was already working up confidence to do my live talk for the first time; I was putting a lot of energy into preparing. As soon I calmed myself I bit, I immediately started investigating.

Hidden in a footnote, DeAngelo is willing to plea.

I started looking and found out it was something that Paige St. John had found in a footnote on a motion that was filed by the defense. Buried in the Motion to Dismiss, the defense slipped it into a footnote. This motion is looking to six-furcate (my word because bifurcate isn’t applicable here), the cases by jurisdiction. When the prosecution decided to prosecute everything in Sacramento, I started calling it the big gulp.

Motion to Dismiss DeAngelo Willing to Plea

The prosecution did this in April of 2019 if I have my facts right. There are a couple of reasons why this big gulp strategy is important. First, it makes the prosecution big. As you can imagine, we’re going into a trial that’s got all this stuff happening from all these jurisdictions. So that’s a big deal. And second, it makes it expensive. Prosecutors from the different jurisdictions must come to Sacramento. It could be argued it reduces costs by requiring only one jury, one judge, etc. I’m not a bean counter – either way, we are spending money. This request from the defense would basically disassemble the approach.

Meanwhile, the defense has also asked for money from the different jurisdictions. Now, take a minute and realize what we’ve done here. In America, we believe in law and order. We believe in justice. And our tax dollars are used to support that legal system. And ironically enough, our tax dollars are paying for D’Angelo’s defense. That is how we fund the public defender’s office. It comes from the Sacramento County budget.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to ask for money and or other resources from the different jurisdictions, because that really should be a shared financial responsibility when it comes to defending D’Angelo. That shouldn’t that burden shouldn’t fall wholly on Sacramento County.

The question I have is why did they wait till now? The prosecution made this clear that this is how we were proceeding months ago. It seems odd. I feel like this defense team just woke up since the January hearing. The judge said, no, we’re not getting a continuance until January 2021. No, we’re not going to sit around and wait for you to go through all that discovery you’ve had forever. Let’s get it together here. Let’s prioritize. (Okay, he didn’t say those last two things – I’m just saying that on his behalf.)

The idea is we’ve got to move forward. That’s the point. And I wish I could have been in court the cheering when he said that – I was home sick with Norovirus. He set the date for May 12th, and that’s just about eight weeks out. And just like that, things finally started to happen.

Anxiety is increasing among those who’ll have to testify.

They knew it conceptually, but this made it very real. This is especially true among the people who are being asked to testify, relative to the kidnapping charges. Those are the rape charges and not the murder charges. In the rape charges, where a person was moved or there was some sort of act that was considered kidnapping, those became charges that could still be applied and weren’t affected by the statute of limitations. And they also helped with special circumstances, which are required for the death penalty request.

As you can imagine, those folks who are scheduled to testify are starting to get anxious. And that’s hard. I guess we’re unique because as victims, we became a squad.

Not everybody has joined us. Some folks have remained anonymous and I’m sorry, they haven’t. They’re really missing one of the most healing parts of this whole thing. For those of us who do get together, we’re working hard to support one another.

We’ve discovered, now there are two groups of victims.

First there are those that have cases that cannot be tried. All of the rapes hit the statute of limitations. With the exception of the cases with new kidnapping charges, the rapes victims are not part of the active group. The second groups are the victims who have charges that can be applied. This is suddenly an odd shift to the murders from Southern California.

If you think about it, at least I grew up thinking the murder first was a murder in a small town. When I heard about the other murders in Southern California, I considered myself part of that group. Absolutely. As those as we were all connected through DNA. When our murders suddenly connected to the rapes in Sacramento (and beyond), I instantly identified with the people in Sacramento.

These are my people. I’ve spent so much time, so much of my life has been spent in Sacramento – gramma lived here, I went to UC Davis and Sac State. It’s always felt like a second home to me. When we came together, we were all one. But now there’s a slightly different dynamic going on.

And I don’t think it’s particularly playing out in terms of our relationships.

But some of us, including me, feel like we are representing those that don’t get to have a voice in this right now; those that don’t have active charges. These are the things nobody talks about. But it really is interesting how the legal system has an impact even on relationships, even on your ability to be a victim and how that works. And that’s absolutely in play.

Let’s go back to DeAngelo being willing to plea.

Why was that put in writing? Because the minute you write down that someone is willing to plea you taint the prospective jury pool because you’ve essentially said your client’s willing to plead guilty. We don’t have any information on what he’s willing to plead guilty to, but I sense the defense isn’t focused on the what. How do we possibly move forward at this point? I mean, this is really screwed up if you think about it.

I wonder about legal malpractice. I cannot think of a case, and I’d love folks to let me know if they have any examples of where that kind of information was leaked publicly. I’m really pissed about how this is being handled.

This is classic D’Angelo: controlling the narrative.

I am so tired of this man who lived his full 72 years out in the wild doing all these awful things, but also having his nice little middle age, and early senior years, living undetected without any constraints, without any rules – living in Citrus Heights, doing his thing, fishing, riding his motorcycle, being a jerk.

He’s been out there and now he gets to control the narrative when it comes to how we’re going to find him guilty. I’m hot about this. I don’t want any part of this. At a minimum, I feel like a plea is too soon. At a minimum, we should have this prelim that’s coming up in May. And here’s why: there are still people who aren’t sure he’s the guy.

Innocent until proven guilty.

This is truly how it’s supposed to work. It’s the responsibility of the prosecution to prove that this man is guilty. Maybe we have the wrong guy. I don’t think that’s possible because SCIENCE (DNA), but I’m going to give nonbelievers the benefit of the doubt. Then let’s go ahead and move into the prelim. Another very big reason why a prelim is important: DeAngelo didn’t just hurt humans and families, but he terrorized whole communities. I feel it’s his civic responsibility to sit in a courtroom for at least eight to 12 weeks before copping a plea.

He needs to face his accusers and listen to all the evidence that supports holding him over to trial. That is the point of the prelim: to show there is enough evidence to bind him over to trial. And after we all hear that; after we hear the evidence – I know I know there’s evidence beyond DNA – then he can make a plea. And that can work through the plea process.

But let’s go ahead and move with this prelim. I think it’s owed to far more than just the victims. It is owed to all of us who lived in fear. I lived in fear for decades. I didn’t even know there was a serial killer that I was afraid of for the first 20 years. I thought there was just a crazy person who hated my dad and Charlene. Around 2000, I find out.

That coincided to exactly to when I had Katie. Suddenly I felt more vulnerable than I’ve ever felt in my life because now there was a bad guy out there and I didn’t have any idea what he might do next. Based on his behavior in Sacramento, I knew he’d revisit the crimes by calling people that he had hurt before.

In our case, he didn’t have my dad and Charlene to call. He only had his kids. I did feel vulnerable and I did feel afraid. I did wacky things like bells on doors and having a bat by my bed. So many of us did things to protect ourselves. That’s why it’s really important to me that he have to sit in court for at least the prelim.

What will he tell us if he does negotiate a plea?

I have had my expectations set that he is not inclined to share information with us. He is not inclined in any way to help us feel better about what’s happened. He’s not inclined in any way to make this any easier on anybody but himself. If we move forward with a plea without him having to ever walk into a real courtroom, he wins.

Once again, he’s controlling the narrative and he’s controlling the outcome. And I’m so over that. So one of the things that. So where we are. So one of the things that’s happened that came out the news in the last two days, I think is that it is true that I believe it’s only the people that have charges pending, got letters from the defense.

When it all comes down to it, the elected District Attorneys are the deciders. So maybe this really is up to you, the constituents. The DA’s represent you. Let them know what you want in this case.

Energy Leadership Index – Why It Can Be A Life-Changing Assessment

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The good news is you’re not alone. We all experience these feelings and blocks, and we all have different strategies for attacking them. Lord knows it’s happened to me, and now that I have a paradigm for understanding what is going on, I’m better able to shift my energy and deal with things from a more positive, more open point of view.

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The assessment evaluates how you “show up” in the world when you’re in the zone and when you’re experiencing stress. It measures the core energy you tap to manage yourself throughout the day.

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The ELI assessment is a valuable component of an effective coaching relationship, and I like to start here for anyone who wants to understand themselves and their energy. I am committed to providing enough information to allow you to pursue self-development on your own. If you’d like to continue with coaching, I’d be privileged to be your coach.

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February 2020 Closes with a Few DeAngelo Surprises

Many of us have waited so long for this show to get started. Thanks to DNA, I never worried we’d get the wrong guy – he left his mark everywhere. But even the biggest cynic in the room – yeah, me – never thought things would take this long just to generate momentum.

The first surprise: getting a date for the preliminary trial to start.

I have to say, the survivors have much love for the judge who basically said, put a fork in it, I’m done. Let’s get things moving. That was in January. I know the public defender’s office wanted a lot more time, but it’s coming up on two years and honestly, there are very few “hooks” for a defense. Maybe none really except how the GED Match site was used to find a suspect, but after that, there’s very little to defend.

We’ve had the same, consistent suspect since the DNA was connected across the crimes in the early 2000s. Seriously: same guy. If you accept the DNA matches connecting all the crimes, the only thing you can fight is the matching process.

And that brings us to February development number one:

Prosecutors seek additional DNA from DeAngelo.

I did not see this coming; especially now. Again, we’ve all been aboard this prosecution boat for 22 months, how did they not know they would need more DNA before this moment in time. I don’t want to piss off the prosecution, but c’mon, how could this not have been on someone’s to do list before February of 2020? I’ve heard they ran out and need more for testing. I don’t know what’s true, but I do know we could have expected a fight (see not much to defend above). The defense is almost obliged to defend this request lest they be accused of malpractice. Apparently, these motions will be heard at the hearing on March 12th. Stay tuned.

On to development number two:

Sacramento public defender’s office wants assistance from other jurisdictions.

This seems fair. They share an inordinate amount of the burden and it wasn’t their decision to jam a giant pile of crimes into a single trial. Sacramento taxpayers shouldn’t have to shoulder this whole burden. They should be getting support from other public defenders in the other jurisdictions.

Where I’m stuck is why is this just coming up now. I think we heard it first at the hearing in January (I wasn’t there so I don’t have first-hand knowledge, but I think it was brought up). This should have been an issue the minute the prosecution strategy was to lump everything together in 2018. My gut says this is a window into what’s happening at the public defender’s office and it doesn’t show well. Prioritizing what-matters-most is a life skill most of us have mastered (or at least understand). How could this issue languish until now?

And a snarky aside: if you crime so hard you trigger charges that can still stand 40 years later in six jurisdictions, you should not be entitled to a red carpet defense. I mean, I can point to legions of folks in prison right now who are jailed because they didn’t get a good defense. Why should this guy get anything better? This guy we have on DNA.

Finally, development number three:

Anxiety is starting to build among the survivors.

This was going to happen. It was inevitable. I’m feeling it every day and I don’t have to testify. I’m anxious for my brother and my (survivor) friends who really aren’t interested in going back to that ugly place. Nobody wants to be re-victimized. I don’t know anyone that wants to sit across from him in a courtroom and look at him. But it’s a necessary evil. To manage my anxiety, I focus on the process. I want this prelim to happen and I want it to be uncomfortable – for him.

He needs to be uncomfortable as he sits there on his non-existent ass, hour after hour, as the world talks about him and his repugnant behavior.

He needs to be uncomfortable as he listens to the witnesses, one by one, that will include the women and men whose lives he interrupted and changed because he didn’t want to get help.

He needs to be uncomfortable when he must shut-up and listen as people describe the fear, violence and terror he delivered on every victim and community.

I know he’s a psychopath, but let’s all pray this won’t make him happy. Let’s pray it makes him damn miserable as his daughters hear every ugly detail. I regret they must go through this, but if it brings him misery, I’m all in.

I expect more hijinks before we get started in May. I’m going to pick-up the podcast in March and start recording again. I plan to attend court and do a daily update. Stay tuned for details.

It’s not too late to get tickets!

Folks in Santa Cruz, Sacramento and Ventura, please come meet me live in March. It’s free and I look forward to seeing you! Get free tickets here.

The Golden State Killer Economy – Who’s Making Money

I was roasted on Reddit* the other day – totally unexpected – and it seems like things got weird when someone accused me of posting to promote my coaching business. Of course, my website has my coaching business on it, but that wasn’t why I was there. I was just participating in the discussion like everyone else, and then suddenly I was defending myself. It’s the first time that’s happened in two years since I went public.

Let’s start at the top: the prosecution and defense of DeAngelo.

There’s no doubt there’s a Golden State Killer economy. Holy smokes; it starts with the $20M price tag that prompted AB 141 to pay for jurisdictional expenses “incurred in connection with the prosecution and defense of Joseph DeAngelo.” There are a lot of people getting paid to try and defend this case. There are lawyers and researchers, scientists and testing facilities, computer experts and investigators and legions more who are working for both sides. We are nothing if not job security as this case is being prepped for the prelim. Also, don’t forget travel and housing expenses as teams from around the state come in and out of Sacramento to move things froward. We can debate if this level of expense is necessary, (and goodness knows I will in an upcoming blog), but let’s just accept this at face value. If we ever get to trial, chances are, this cost will likely increase.

Then there’s the content value of the case itself.

News, movies, documentaries, books, podcasts, blogs – some of these are highly monetized and some make no money at all. We all know when HBO or Michelle McNamara are telling the story, the intention is to make money. Not the only intention, but let’s accept one chooses that approach because there’s money to be made. Maybe that’s a better way to say it. I’m not casting blame here, merely noting there’s an economy in play and we all participate in it. In this category, I believe these folks truly care about the subject matter and the victims. I’ve worked with some of these folks and I’ve found them to be credible.

But we also have the exploiters. The folks whose sole motivation is money. They aren’t interested in the truth and have no interest in the victims, they are only interested in selling their product. I encourage everyone to keep their eye out for these folks; they are fairly transparent and tend to have a pattern to their behavior like focusing on click-bait, lying and repetition of same themes.

And then there are the victims; have they made money? Do they make money?

The honest answer is no, with a few exceptions. For the most part, any of us who are making money off the crime have been remarkably transparent. Jane Sandler-Carson wrote a book (not an affiliate link). That’s legit. She lived the experience; she did the work to write the book and she lives her truth. To the best of my knowledge, no one has been paid for any television appearances. There’s one activity where some folks got an unexpected honorarium, but I can’t disclose it and when I finally can, it won’t surprise you. And it wasn’t much.

Victims aren’t making bank on this. In fact, generally we are all financially poorer because of DeAngelo’s crimes and arrest. Of the victims I know, we are out-of-pocket on therapy, time away from work for hearings and other legal proceedings. Some of us travel to Sac to participate in these activities and have hotel bills. If there’s one thing the “true crime” industry has done that’s a disservice to victims, it’s the implication that everyone is making money.

We simply aren’t.

It’s maybe the saddest part of the Golden State Killer economy. Yes, there are some Victim Assistance programs but they vary by jurisdiction and they are publicly funded so there aren’t deep pockets. Honestly, many of us are doing okay and feel like those funds should be used by people with greater need.

So back to Reddit and the great Jen Carole takedown.

Let’s get real. I don’t make money on my blog. You can do a quick check and see there’s no advertising. In fact, when I tried some affiliate ads, I got no clicks (and I was highly selective). Why? Because that’s not what my blog is about. Yep, it’s just me, the website (I pay for) and my computer.

It is the same for my podcast. Honestly, the reason I stopped doing it is I had to work and didn’t have time to dedicate to doing it well. I would very much like to sell my podcast and get paid to do it so I can afford to attend the preliminary trial in May. I am transparently sharing that with you. I have no idea if I can sell it. My coaching business is how I figured I could earn a living while attending court because I can coach in off-hours. My audience is not my coaching target. That’s why I have two URLs (that I pay for): one for my business and one for this journey.

I don’t intend to sound defensive. I just reread this blog and I still might. That’s truly not my point. My point is, if DeAngelo died tomorrow, this little  economy is a house of cards. It all falls down with a few exceptions. I think the highly developed content will have a longer lifespan, but most of what’s been created around this [expletive deleted] criminal will fall by the wayside. As it should. And if you don’t believe me, just look at Casey Anthony and Scott Peterson, both who are realizing they are beyond irrelevant. So how do they goose the system to try and make money? They exploit it. Sickening.

On behalf of the victims, we appreciate your goodwill. We have no intention of exploiting it. We will take the opportunity to support ourselves if it makes sense. If you feel we have crossed a line, please speak to us directly. Otherwise know, you’ve bet on the right people in this hot mess.

And it’s appreciated.

*This did not happen in the EARONS sub-Reddit. I traveled outside our group and I will never do that again! The EARONS community has been amazing and honestly, along with Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and those of you that read this blog, have been so supportive. It’s the reason I have the courage to do these speaking engagements. 

March 2020 – Santa Cruz, Sacramento and Ventura

I’m coming to town in March. Absolutely free. Get a ticket by clicking on the graphic!

Live Event with Jennifer Carole - Free!

What Is DeAngelo’s Defense Thinking? What Will Be Their Strategy?

I feel remarkably better today – the boost of adrenaline I had from yesterday’s hearing (while I sat in my darn recliner) kind of flushed my system. Remember that for the next time you’re sick – just get really worked up about something! I also promised a part two today about the Intersection of Justice and Politics, but I had so much work to catch-up on today – I have to wait until this weekend. Apologies. (Read yesterday’s blog.)

Update from Yesterday

I was able to get more scoop about yesterday and here’s a quick rundown of impressions from folks who were there (and know you can also keep up with details here as well):

  • The atmosphere was absolutely amazing. The prosecution was friendly to the survivors and fierce with the defense. I’m guessing the energy the prosecution brought must have juiced the survivors a bit because it was described to me as palpable.
  • The defense was wimpy and petulant in its collective demeanor. Under a banner of “it’s not fair”, they fought for the delay – the video above is edited and makes it look fast, but apparently it wasn’t. At one-point DeAngelo’s male attorney talked back to the judge he was so dissatisfied with Judge White’s ruling.
  • One bailiff had his hand on DeAngelo’s back to “steady him” the whole time.
  • The prosecution was so fierce, that was when a man said, “Amen!” out loud.
  • I was most chastised for missing the one time (finally) where everyone left feeling pumped and satisfied that something was finally going to happen. Yeah, I am bummed I missed it.

What’s Next

I haven’t talked with Cheryl Temple in Ventura, our prosecutor, so this isn’t based on anything other than what makes sense and some speculation on my part. I really do feel like I have my dad in my head helping me think these things through but yes, he is dead, so take this for what it’s worth.

March Hearing: There’s one more of these in-jail-courtroom procedural hearings before the preliminary trial begins in May. I think the date is March 4th (I know I saw it last night) but I can’t find it. I’ll confirm. I find this interesting because this might be a strategic honey pot – as they call it in the cybersecurity game. I’m thinking the prosecution is anticipating hijinks from the defense and this might help manage their behavior because if they enter in May and ask for a series of motions that will provide additional delays, the prosecution can argue they did not bring them up just a few weeks before, thereby boxing-in the defense.

New Venue: I was told ages ago, and I need to reconfirm 100%, but we’ll finally be in a new venue and a real courtroom. That should give us a little more room to breath but could be deathly uncomfortable. For anyone who things having a big booty improves comfort, yeah, no. Age is age baby, I need to get my core in shape because this will be a sit-a-thon.

Why a Preliminary Trial: this comes up a lot on Reddit (you guys are legal animals!). In California, it’s how we proceed (learn more here). It also gives the prosecutors a huge advantage: because the witnesses are aging, any testimony provided during a prelim can be used in the trial. That’s not the case with Grand Jury testimony (as it’s been explained to me). We truly are on a clock here – my brothers and I are some of the younger victims and we are in our 50s. That’s also why the witness list of about 150 people is so insanely long. I believe we’ll get a very good look at the strategies both teams will be using when we get to a full trial (please Lord don’t let me attend that on a Jazzy – if I do, I’m going to require some mods).

Prosecution Strategy: It’s a preliminary trial – which we will now start calling the prelim – and I’ve been here before. We had one in Ventura. I was there and testified. I won’t have to testify this time. Then I was a witness to things that involved the defendant. Now, nope. I don’t know how the prosecution will divvy this up, but I suspect they will let the cream rise to the top. We’ll find out what matters most. Can anyone say DNA? I don’t know that we will hear a lot about his modus operandi because they just need to do two things: prove there’s enough evidence to hold him over for trial and get recorded testimony of witnesses that might not be available for trial.

Defense Strategy: I’ve thought a lot about this. I don’t think they particularly have one. If the defense had one, they should have come into the hearing yesterday with a rationale for the extended time; 250,000 documents wasn’t it. Instead, they could have cited how many lab tests need to be run, how many business days it takes to run the test. They could have talked about witnesses and depositions and how long those take. Maybe they could speak to dependencies on agencies that are providing them with documents that support their assertions. And it would have been framed to fight a going to a prelim. But they didn’t. Instead they basically said, it’s hard. I bet it is. Your suspect sucks. He left his seed everywhere. He followed a rigorous, predictable MO. He freaking beat the shit out of the people he killed in Southern California. Because there are fluids, his fluids, they must prove he didn’t. Not. Gonna. Happen.

DeAngelo’s Strategy: now I will participate in absolute pure speculation. Let’s call it a theory so I can pretend I’m part of the Criminal Minds team. Here it is. The house was in his granddaughter’s name when the sale was made. I find that interesting.

A smart lawyer, who knew her personal assets were tied to a criminal, might move to protect those assets for her children in case the criminal was captured one day. In fact, a smart lawyer, who knew her children were fathered by a criminal, might also enjoin him in an agreement: if the police close in, you will kill yourself before they can take you in. He’d likely agree because seriously, he didn’t want to get caught. I’ll now go the one step further, a smart lawyer who has a lot of power, has daughters and grandchildren she loves dearly, might also add, let’s be clear, you will not put my children through a trial. Every time there’s a court date, they suffer. I know, because I do. For me it’s not horrible but it triggers dreams and memories, so imagine those daughters. So far, the pressure has been about every two to three months. But a trial will be every day.

He’s going to bring shame to his family, every day.

Until I saw that gulp yesterday, I believed he was working on an exit (death) before conviction. He expected get a continuance until the end of 2020. But oops, he’s no longer in control and Judge White surprised him. Gulp. If we use a trial day of May 12, he only has four months left. That’s not much time.

I could be completely full of crap, but we are dealing with a control fiend and I haven’t seen any evidence he doesn’t love his kids. I’m assuming he does. He thought he had this. But he doesn’t. And yet, there are still roadblocks the defense can attempt to slow things down. I have no idea how this will go down, but he’s going to do whatever he can to have this happen on his terms.

Court Date | January 22, 2020 – We Have a Preliminary Trial Date. Finally.

I wasn’t in court today and I under-estimated my frustration. I’ve been sick and then I managed to share it with mom (and her birthday was yesterday!) and there was no way I was infecting more people. You’re welcome. Instead, I sat here dying to know what was happening. I also missed my buds and the afterward at Carol Daly’s place.

I had understood the goal today was two-fold: get a plea and schedule the preliminary hearing. Good job prosecution team, mission accomplished. But along the way, we start to see the strategy that might be the only one the defense can use. Just drag it out. I am convinced that’s what DeAngelo wants: he “wins” if he dies without a conviction. At 74 and a solid plan of self-depravation, it appeals to his strengths: planning, manipulation and control.

How DeAngelo Can “Win”

They asked for the end of the year. They wanted a continuance that would take another 12 months. Are you kidding? That supports really one thing: time. I don’t believe discovery is an adequate argument. Interestingly, neither did the judge. You know I’m not a lawyer, and I could be missing something, but there’s nothing in that discovery that’s going to shift this case.

I feel comfortable positing there isn’t anything exculpatory for any of the crimes with DNA. The DNA is a lock. So if they aren’t fighting to get him acquitted (because that won’t succeed), what are they fighting for? My hypothesis is a quiet exit with no conviction. I’d love to hear other points of view on this. It’s one part of this case that baffles me.

How DeAngelo Won Today

Since I was trapped in my recliner, I posted a few tweets about what I look for when I go to court. One of the things was how DeAngelo manages his performance. I figured he’d be thinner (but was he frail?) and would do all he could to look the part. Clearly it worked. At one point the bailiff reaches out to steady him.


If you watch the KCRA report, they “packaged” what DeAngelo wants: he seemed unsteady, he didn’t seem to understand. It’s not KCRA’s fault because they’re going fast and this wasn’t a big story today. And, well, DeAngelo is good. But now watch it again closely; that huge gulp after the May 12th date. I believe that’s the gulp of time running out. His brain doing the math that he has to go faster. He must find a way out – sooner than planned. Watch the gulp. His eyes don’t flinch. Control baby. That’s control.


Behind the scenes the word is he still works out in his cell and his mind is solid. I don’t know if that’s true anymore, but it could be. I wanted to watch him to see if that mind lost any control. Instead, apparently, he didn’t plea (why!?) and the court did it on his behalf: not guilty. The man can’t even manage to plea – poor DeAngelo.


Don’t Be Surprised by the Unexpected

Here’s my hypothesis: they will come to court in May and the first day or first week, we will get an early motion by the defense for a competency hearing. I mean look at him. He’s wasted-away. He can’t participate in his defense. He doesn’t even know why he’s here. He’s incontinent (see the diapers?), he’s not ambulatory (see the wheelchair?). And boom. There we are. A damned draw. Nothing to see here folks, this story has one dud of an ending.


What keeps me up at night is how we got to this point. And because It’s late and I need to work on it some more, that will be part 2 tomorrow: The Intersection of Justice and Politics. I believe that’s where this went sideways, and I want you to argue with me so get ready! [Update: more to say on this court appearance so here’s a different part two.]

Video Tip: Mental Prep for Christmas Week

“It’s just another day.”

Christmas Week is coming and for many, that means there’s a certain dread in the air. While we want to see our family, it’s maybe not the easiest thing to do. If you’re alone, you might feel like you’re missing out. Instead of letting all the magical tropes get you down, consider this: you can’t make others feel happy, you can only control how you feel and if you lower your expectations, you’re likely to get through it with your psyche intact. And most importantly, remember, with a few exceptions, most people don’t intend to make you miserable. With that, you just have to get through a few days and life will get back to normal.

[And special note: I started cracking up in the video because my darn hat kept wanting to fall off!]

How it works

What: Ease-up, relax, be mindful and watch what others are doing.

When: Grab this mindset when you feel like your anxiety is increasing or you find you want to dump mashed potatoes with gravy over someone’s head. Examples: 

  • When a reasonable question provokes the crap outta you. You don’t owe them an answer but they don’t mean harm, so simply change the subject. “Do I have a boyfriend, you’re so funny. What’s your golf handicap these days?”
  • When your mom (insert any family member here) humiliates you in front of someone. “Mom’s so funny. Don’t tell her I still wet the bed after too much wine.”
  • When you’re alone and convinced everyone else is having a magical time full of love, warmth, good food and presents. “That’s a damn myth, and today is just another day and I’m just where I’m supposed to be right now.” I don’t mean this to be condescending. Instead I mean accept you’re doing what you need to be doing for yourself right now. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Not during Christmas Week.

Benefit: You may have a less stressful, more delightful day based on your values rather than everyone else’s (including those imaginary values promoted by our culture).

If you use this tip – let me know how it works! Hit me up on social media or leave a comment here. And if you like this content, subscribe on YouTube and share with your friends. Thank you.

Video Tip: Managing Transitions with Ease

“Hey honey, it’s time to go.”

Transitions can be tough. When you approach someone who is wrapped-up in an activity and need them to change their behavior to accommodate your needs, it can often result in conflict. This little tip can make those requests go much more smoothly by setting expectations and engaging the person you want to influence in a meaningful way.

How it works

What: You need someone to stop what they are doing and do what you ask.

When: Use this when you want to manage a transition without drama. It might require some negotiation, but it will generally make transitions much less painful. Examples:

  • You want to leave a party and your partner isn’t quite ready yet.
  • You need the kids to stop playing and get in the car.
  • You want a co-worker or subordinate to stop what they are doing and focus on a new task.

Benefit: Instead of demanding someone change their behavior, you’re asking them to partner with you to decide the best time for the transition to occur. It doesn’t mean you have to give up your position; instead it encourages a conversation that more often results in a cooperative outcome without fighting or bad feelings.

Did you try this technique? How did it work? Hit me up on social media or leave a comment here. And if you like this content, subscribe on YouTube and share with your friends. Thank you.

Video Tip: A Simple Way to Ask for What You Need

“Here’s what I want you to do.”

Ever need to talk to someone hoping they’ll say just the right thing to make you feel better or heard? This is an easy way to have that happen. Humans are pretty bad mind-readers. With this technique, you help them deliver what will help you most.

How it works

What: You specifically tell someone how you want them to respond.

When: Use it when you’re feeling vulnerable and how another person responds will make the difference between you feeling better or worse. Examples:

  • When you have an idea and don’t want to have it shot down immediately.
  • When you’re upset and don’t need a solution, just a friendly ear.
  • When you have something hard to say and need to be heard.

Benefit: You should shift the experience. If you’re lucky, it will be a learning experience teaching the other person a new way to respond. At a minimum, you should feel much better about the interaction. This technique tends to slow down communication and make both participants more aware of how they manage their responses.

Did you try this technique? How did it work? Hit me up on social media or leave a comment here. And if you like this content, subscribe on YouTube and share with your friends. Thank you.