I turn 50 tomorrow. I was fine with it until about six months ago went it felt like everything went sideways. My best friend got breast cancer, I got a thyroid infection and suddenly mortality was scarier than any Freddy Kruger movie.
So, being a writer, I had to make a list of 50 things that are bugging me. My 30 versus 50 list. I bet there something on here that might resonate for you – and it if doesn’t, you’re not 50 yet!
Please! Comment with your 30 vs 50 moments. Love to hear them.
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The Old 30
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The New 50
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1
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Examining my face for zits.
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Examining my face for old man whiskers.
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2
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Fish oil for my cat’s hairballs.
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Fish oil for my heart.
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3
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Perfectly full eyebrows.
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Andy Rooney eyebrows.
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4
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Avoiding dirty old men.
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Flirting with dirty old men.
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5
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Nursing my colon after a spicy meal.
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Prepping my colon for a picture taking adventure.
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6
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“Are you a Cancer”?
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Friends with cancer.
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7
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Not sleeping because the night is calling!
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Not sleeping because monkey brain is calling.
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8
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Hitting the clubs at 10pm.
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Hitting the sack at 10pm.
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9
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Where did I park the car?
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Where did I put my keys?
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10
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I totally didn’t expect that!
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I so knew that was going to happen.
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11
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Roller coasters are awesome!
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Roller coasters mean whiplash.
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12
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The unexpected missed period (pregnant?!)!
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The unexpected missed period (menopause?!)!
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13
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Friends talking about their hangovers.
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Friends talking about their ailments.
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14
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Getting mail from Planned Parenthood.
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Getting mail from AARP.
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15
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Sobriety tests.
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Cholesterol tests.
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16
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Needing to try everything.
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Happy just watching.
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17
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Fear of falling (drunk).
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Fear of falling (bones breaking).
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18
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Not getting why people like the Grateful Dead.
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Not getting why people like Dubstep.
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19
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Savings account?
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Retirement account!
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20
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Knowing every brand out there cared about us.
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Knowing nobody but pharma cares about us.
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21
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Finding a bra that looks good through clothes.
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Finding a bra that helps me look like I have boobs.
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22
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Having cats because they are cool.
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Having cats because they are easy.
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23
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Getting sun glasses to make me look cool.
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Getting reading glasses because I freaking can’t see.
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24
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Sitting in a meeting that is taking forever.
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Sitting in bed realizing another week flew by.
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25
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Planning to buy my first house.
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Planning to retire and keep my house.
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26
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Being a flirt.
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Being a cougar.
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27
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Posing for pictures to hide a double chin.
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Posing for pictures to hide my turkey neck.
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28
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Fear of getting busted for having weed.
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Needing weed so I can bust a move.
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29
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Getting excited about new technology – I am an early adopter!
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Getting freaked about new technology – what? I have to learn something new.
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30
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I got cold because I refused to wear a jacket over my outfit.
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I get cold because I got a chill and my huge coat isn’t keeping me warm enough.
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31
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Believing a President could change everything.
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Knowing a President can’t do a damn thing with a hostile Congress.
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32
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Getting noticed when I drive around with the car roof down.
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Nobody noticing me. At all.
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33
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My friends wanted to go for drinks.
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My friends want to go for coffee.
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34
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Pulling my hair up to get it out of my face.
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Tugging my hair down to try and get some near my face.
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35
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Trying to figure out all the things I should do before I die.
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Trying to figure out if I can pay off my mortgage before I die.
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36
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Believing in opportunity.
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Believing in hard work and a touch of luck.
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37
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Being called immature.
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Being called “ma’am”.
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38
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Loving romantic movies (how sweet!).
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Hating romantic movies (that so doesn’t happen!).
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39
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Checking my weight every day.
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Checking my blood pressure every day.
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40
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Missing the happy hour freebies.
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Not qualifying for senior citizen discounts yet.
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41
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Deciding if I should get renters insurance.
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Deciding if I should get long term care insurance.
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42
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Looking forward to Christmas because it was magical.
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Dreading Christmas because it comes around too damn fast.
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43
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Thinking having kids will be so hard.
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Thinking having my kid leave for college will be so hard.
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44
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Waking up at 11am and thinking, just one more hour.
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Waking up at 6am and thinking, crap, I gotta pee.
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45
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Working hard because I am building my business.
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Working hard because I need to earn while I can!
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46
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Buying hair color to cover the bad blonde I chose.
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Buying hair color for “gray hair” so I don’t look brassy.
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47
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Saving to buy that thing I really want.
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Hustling to give more crap to the Goodwill.
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48
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Hating change because they way we were doing it was so cool.
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Hating change because I just can’t adapt that easily.
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49
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That pain in my chest is heart ache. The jerk.
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The pain in my chest might be a heart attack. Crap.
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50
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Life is just starting to get good!
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Life is more than half over.
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I love it! I'm right in between those 2 ages, but I sure feel like I'm closer to 50 than I am to 30. And I see you managed to have a kid in there sometime without mentioning any sex at any age – lol!