Let’s start with some big, bold truths: Donald Trump has a serious woman problem.

It’s not just his rhetoric, caught on tape repeatedly, that’s a problem—it’s how white women still seem to back him at the ballot box despite his misogynistic remarks and policies that hurt women. Trump’s pick of JD Vance as his running mate, another white man who has made inflammatory comments about women, only underscores the challenge Republicans face with female voters.

However, the twist that needs more attention is that Black women consistently vote in their best interests.

They’ve been the backbone of American democracy, standing up for justice, equality, and progress—even when it’s been hard. Meanwhile, we see a troubling trend among white women voters. Too often, they align their votes with men who exploit authoritative reasoning, convincing them to accept the status quo—men who tell them they know best or that protecting “traditional values” is in their interest. But is it?

Today, I’ll dive into why some women, especially white women, fall into this pattern of voting against their own interests—and what authoritative reasoning has to do with it. Because let’s be real: when you’re conditioned to defer to authority, it’s hard to break free.

Reclaim your voice, your vote, and your power.

Authoritative Reasoning Keeps Women in Bondage

Yeah, I said it. When I say bondage, I mean both mentally and physically. Authoritative reasoning is the idea that we should accept certain beliefs or follow specific rules just because someone in power says so.

Whether it’s a boss, partner, religious leader, teacher, or even a parent, this type of reasoning asks us to trust authority without question. While this can sometimes help things run smoothly, it has a serious downside, especially for women.

For those who believe in authoritative reasoning, it can feel safe and uncomplicated.

You don’t have to make hard decisions because someone else does that for you. This can offer comfort when you feel unsure or afraid to make mistakes. However, the disadvantage is that you give up your power to think critically and independently. You might find yourself agreeing to things that don’t feel right just because someone else said so.

For the authority figure—whether a man in a relationship or a leader in a church—this reasoning gives them control. They can set the rules, control the narrative, and expect others to fall in line. But this is also a trap for them. They become dependent on the power they hold and often feel threatened when it’s challenged.

They may use manipulation, guilt, or punishment to keep that power.

Staying Safe When Challenging Authority
Your safety comes first if you are in a relationship where the authority figure reacts violently or unpredictably when challenged. Domestic violence often escalates when a woman starts asserting her independence. Ensure you have a plan before taking significant steps to confront or leave. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a domestic violence hotline for guidance.

How Authoritative Reasoning Affects Women at Home

At a micro level, men may use authoritative reasoning to control women in their relationships. They might tell you things like, “You need to listen to me because I know what’s best,” or “It’s your duty to support me.” Over time, this can strip away your confidence and independence, making it harder to see that you have the right to think and act for yourself.

You might find yourself silencing your own needs to avoid conflict or punishment.

This is especially dangerous because it can lead to emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse. Domestic violence often starts with controlling behavior, making it harder for women to escape once things escalate. Here are some common ways people in authority use their power to enforce their power. These behaviors are common tactics used to control women under the guise of authoritative reasoning, making it difficult to escape as the abuser reinforces dependency and strips away confidence over time.

• Isolation is a tactic where the controlling partner cuts you off from friends, family, or support networks. They may insist that others are a “bad influence” or that your relationships with loved ones detract from your “duties” to them. Over time, isolation leaves you with fewer people to turn to, making it harder to recognize the abuse or seek help. Isolation reinforces their control because you become entirely dependent on them for emotional support, validation, and social interaction.
• Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own reality or memory. A controlling partner might say things like, “That’s not what happened—you’re remembering it wrong,” or “You’re overreacting; no one else would think that.” Over time, this causes you to question your perceptions and believe your feelings or experiences are invalid. Gaslighting often makes you feel confused, anxious, and dependent on the other person for “truth.”
• Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence often starts subtly, with controlling behavior that escalates over time. A partner using authoritative reasoning may claim that physical punishment or emotional abuse is “for your own good” or that you “made them do it.” They justify their actions by insisting they know better or are entitled to control you. This can include physical harm, threats, or even withholding finances, creating an environment of fear and control.

How Authoritative Reasoning Affects Women in Society

On a macro level, authoritative reasoning is also used by institutions like churches, schools, law enforcement, and government. Think about how often we’ve been told to trust a leader “just because they’re in charge.” Whether obeying laws without questioning their fairness or accepting religious doctrines without exploring alternatives, we are taught to follow rather than question.

These systems often reinforce one another. If you grow up in a family where a father or male figure is the final authority, then go to a school where teachers don’t encourage critical thinking, attend a church where questioning leadership is frowned upon, and live in a community where law enforcement expects obedience without feedback, you can see how the message becomes: “Obey without question.”

This creates a cycle we pass on to our daughters. Most women have been groomed to be complicit in our own powerlessness. When you’ve been taught from a young age to trust authority figures, it can be incredibly difficult to recognize when that authority is misused, especially when so many systems support it.

Why It’s So Hard to Breaking Free – It’s Meant to Be Hard

Changing this mindset is hard. It’s not just about recognizing that someone in your life is misusing their power; it’s about unlearning years of conditioning that told you to trust authority. American culture is designed to keep you in check. You might even feel guilty or anxious when you start questioning those in charge, as though you’re doing something wrong.

But it’s not wrong to think for yourself—it’s healthy.

This difficulty is compounded when you realize that many of the same people and institutions that taught you to obey are the ones who will push back when you try to break free. That’s why it’s so important to approach this with care and caution, especially if you are in an unsafe situation like a controlling relationship.

Often, because women don’t have the power, we do passive-aggressive things that ultimately come back to hurt us.

Unhealthy Ways to Fight the Power (Yikes!)

Lying

Lying may feel like a small rebellion, but dishonesty usually increases anxiety, guilt, and feelings of powerlessness, deepening dependence on the very systems or people you want to escape.

• Women who lie to cover up actions like hiding finances from controlling partners often find that dishonesty exacerbates trust issues, leading to escalated control or punishment (Davila & Bradbury, 2001).
• Lying in the workplace to avoid confrontation with a boss may seem like a quick fix, but research shows dishonesty can lead to long-term career setbacks and increased anxiety (Ruedy et al., 2013).
• Studies on emotional labor show that lying to maintain emotional harmony in toxic relationships only deepens dependency and diminishes self-worth (Grandey, 2000).

Aggression

While aggression may feel powerful at the moment, it often backfires, leading to further alienation and entrenching the power of those you’re rebelling against. It can also escalate conflict, especially in situations of abuse.

• Women who resort to physical aggression, such as lashing out at controlling partners, are often more likely to experience escalated violence in return, as violence tends to reinforce cycles of abuse rather than stop them (Straus & Gelles, 1990).
• Aggressive behavior in the workplace, like shouting at superiors or colleagues, may temporarily feel like taking control, but it often leads to further alienation and career regression (Zapf & Einarsen, 2001).
• Acts of aggression during political protests, like clashing with law enforcement, can overshadow the cause, reducing public sympathy and leading to harsher crackdowns on rights (della Porta, 2006).

Acting Out Sexually

Engaging in risky or impulsive sexual behavior can sometimes be a way for women to rebel against the control they feel from partners or societal authority. The thinking might be, “If I’m controlled in other areas of my life, at least I can control this part of my body.” However, this can backfire and lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or further objectification.

• Some women may engage in affairs or impulsive sexual encounters to feel like they are in control of their bodies, but this often results in emotional turmoil, primarily when these actions are fueled by anger or a desire for revenge (Cooper, Shapiro, & Powers, 1998).
• Participating in risky sexual behaviors, such as unprotected sex or encounters with strangers, can lead to unwanted consequences like STIs, unplanned pregnancies, or emotional fallout, further entrenching feelings of powerlessness (Miller, 2008).
• In situations of domestic violence, some women may use sexuality to manipulate or appease their abuser, believing it gives them a form of control. Unfortunately, this often escalates abuse and leaves them feeling even more trapped (Levendosky & Graham-Bermann, 2001).

Breaking the Law

Breaking laws might seem like a dramatic statement, but it often leads to more control from the system, adding legal and financial burdens that make it harder to break free. In the end, the risks far outweigh the temporary sense of rebellion.

• Studies show that women who engage in reckless driving, such as speeding, as a form of rebellion against controlling partners or authority figures often face harsher legal consequences, which further limits their ability to gain independence (Robertson & Murachver, 2007).
• Some women who turn to theft as a form of protest against economic inequality or control often find themselves caught in cycles of criminal behavior, leading to further isolation and reduced opportunities for growth (Shteir, 2011).
• Engaging in illegal protests or vandalism, while momentarily satisfying, often leads to legal consequences that make it harder to hold stable employment or maintain supportive relationships (Banks, 2011).

Healthy Ways to Fight Back

Breaking free from authoritative reasoning is no small feat, but you are strong enough to do it and don’t have to take giant leaps all at once. Every small step you take toward reclaiming your power matters, and you’re already on the path of recognizing that things need to change. You don’t need to start by confronting the most powerful authority in your life; the transformation begins with small, deliberate actions reminding you of your strength. Here are some powerful, healthy ways to start taking control of your life:

Educate yourself! Start reading about how authority works and when it becomes abusive. The more you understand it, the easier it will be to recognize when someone misuses their power.

• In the workplace, women who took online courses on leadership and negotiation skills were more likely to challenge pay inequality and advocate for promotions (Carli, 2020).
• Researching the psychological effects of coercive control in relationships can help women identify patterns of emotional manipulation (Stark, 2007).
• Women who educated themselves on reproductive rights were more likely to vote and participate in advocacy groups, which increased their sense of empowerment (Friedman, 2018).

Question small things! Start by asking questions in safe environments. It could be as simple as asking your boss why a particular task is done in a specific way or researching a religious belief you’re unsure about.

• In a study on workplace dynamics, women who started asking why they were assigned certain tasks began to see a reduction in their’ office housework,’ a common form of gendered labor (Cohen & Huffman, 2003).
• Asking teachers to clarify rules or practices in educational settings can empower students to think critically, which has been shown to increase self-confidence and academic success in girls (Dweck, 2007).
• Women who questioned traditional gender roles in religious institutions often found alternative, more inclusive faith communities that aligned with their values (Gross, 1996).

Find supportive communities! Surround yourself with people who encourage independent thinking and respect your boundaries. This might mean seeking out women’s groups, support groups, or online communities that can offer encouragement.

• Women who joined local women’s networks or professional groups reported feeling more empowered to make independent decisions in both their careers and personal lives (Ibarra, Carter, & Silva, 2010).
• Online support groups for survivors of domestic violence have helped many women build the confidence to leave abusive relationships and reclaim their independence (Anderson & Saunders, 2003).
• Participating in grassroots political organizations has allowed women to advocate for change, both for themselves and their communities, fostering a sense of agency (Schlozman, Burns, & Verba, 1999).

Set boundaries! Begin practicing saying “no” or asking for explanations. You don’t have to agree to everything because someone expects it from you. You can also ask for what you need.

• Women who established firm boundaries with controlling partners, such as limiting communication during work hours or refusing to engage in arguments, often reported improved mental health and personal autonomy (Hirigoyen, 2000).
• Setting boundaries with workplace authority figures, such as managers or supervisors, has been shown to reduce burnout and increase job satisfaction, particularly among women (Maslach & Leiter, 1997).
• Setting emotional boundaries in toxic friendships can reduce feelings of resentment and exhaustion, empowering women to focus on healthier relationships (Smith & Reis, 2012).

Changing this Mindset is Incredibly Difficult

I know I’m making this sound easy and oversimplified. I get that.

Opening your mind and changing deeply ingrained behaviors is tough. It’s not just about breaking free from someone else’s control—it’s about unlearning years of being told that your voice doesn’t matter as much and not to trust your instincts. And that takes incredible strength. But here’s the truth: you are strong enough to do it.

Change doesn’t have to happen all at once; you don’t have to be perfect or fearless to start. Each small step—setting a boundary, asking a question, or seeking support—makes a difference. It’s a process, and every step you take toward reclaiming your power is a victory.

It’s also important to remember that you’re not alone in this journey. Surround yourself with people who will lift you and respect your growth. Look to the women who have stood where you are now and found their way through. You deserve a life where you survive and thrive and have every right to claim that for yourself.

Change is hard, but staying stuck is harder. You have the power to break free, to rewrite the rules that no longer serve you, and to build a future where your voice is heard and valued. Start today, and know that even the slightest shift is a step toward freedom.